1 - Beginnings

Ryan Miller blinked at himself in the bathroom mirror. He hadn't gotten any sleep again, as usual. He worried he was becoming an insomniac.

Then again, Ryan worried about everything.

It had been a full month since the 'incident' in Pittsburgh- at least, that was what Ryan thought of it as. The embarrassment and shame hung over him like a dark cloud. A few of his teammates knew about it, and that was bad enough. Ryan wished to the heavens above that he hadn't acted like he did; like he hadn't taken advantage so quickly. He felt dirty, sick and guilt-ridden.

The worst part was that part of him didn't regret it.

Ryan was contemplating how long it would take to drown himself in the toilet when his roommate Derek Roy popped his head in the door, "Hey Millsy, you're not skipping out on us again, are you?"

Ryan shrugged, "So what if I do?"

"Lindy will have your head," Derek chuckled, "On a steak. And we'll parade it downtown."

Ryan smirked, "Sounds like a party."

Derek frowned, "Look, I know you're still upset, but it's like Talbot said- what happens at Diesal, stays at Diesal. And besides, it's not like she was some random stranger-"

Ryan bit his lip, "Derek, you don't understand, it's more than that."

Derek brought his hands to his face dramatically, "Oh my god, you have herpes, don't you?"

Ryan threw up his arms, "What? NO! Of course not!"

"Then why do you give a shit?" Derek rolled his eyes, "You're like a menopausal girl."

"You mean menstrual."

"Whatever," Derek shrugged, "What I'm saying is, you're taking this all too seriously. Everyone loses their virginity at some point...well, everyone but Vanek." Derek giggled.

"This isn't funny, Roy," Ryan pressed, "At all."

"What I don't understand is why you're letting this bother you."

"Because," Ryan crossed his arms over his chest, "The way I see it, your first time is supposed to be special, with someone you really care about. It's supposed to be meaningful, like art."

Ryan waited patiently for Derek's response.

"Ryan, you are so, so gay."

"See you at practice." Ryan said coldly, passing by Derek and heading to the kitchen.

"Atta boy!" Derek slapped Ryan on the back, only to be pushed backwards crashing into a suitcase.

"Jesus, Millsy," Derek groaned from the floor, "It's been a month. You could at least unpack your shit."

"Nope," Ryan said quietly, pouring himself another cup of coffee, "Not ready to do that just yet."