43 - Conversation

The entire morning Anna felt lost. Ryan busied around her, asking constantly if she was ok, and calling seemingly everyone in his contacts. Anna didn’t eat and hadn’t slept after Dan had called. She was still in her pajamas when Ryan finished talking to Lindy.

“Annie,” Ryan said affectionately, “Come on, now. You have to go shower. We’re going to leave in an hour.”

Anna said nothing. He cupped her chin in his hand and lifted her face.

“Your Penguins need your support now more than ever,” he told her, planting a kiss on her wide mouth, “And I’m going with you. Come on, baby. Shower.”

Anna wandered upstairs and took a shower. By the time she had emerged from the bathroom, Ryan had two suitcases packed and ready. He gave her a tiny smile, opening his arms. Anna collapsed into him, crying softly.

“I don’t want to go...” she said miserably, “Please don’t make me.”

Ryan stroked her hair, “We have to go. I’ve already made the arrangements.”

Anna shook her head, her hand curled up by her face, “I can’t do it.”

Ryan held her back, “Yes you can. I’ll be right by your side.”

“What if they don’t want me there? What if they hate me for leaving?”

“Dan requested that you come, and there is no way that anyone can hate you,” Ryan told her, instantly regretting the last part he blurted out, “Now you get dressed, honey. I’m going to go start the car.”

Anna looked out the window at the passing city, her hair in a messy ponytail, her make up already running and streaky from crying. She couldn’t handle this. It was too much.

It started when she turned on the radio. The first song she heard was, “My Boy’s Gonna Play in the Big Leagues.” Anna winced, changing the station instantly. The next song was an old Elton John diddy that she and Max used to sing to annoy TK and Kris, and then on the next station was the Penguin’s goal song.

Anna sighed in defeat. She couldn’t escape him. Max Talbot was everywhere.

Ryan sensed her hurt and popped in his Kings of Leon CD. Anna hated Kings of Leon. Or so she thought.

One song came along that she surprisingly knew the words to. A song that actually meant a lot to her. The very song that she had playing in the background the night she brought Ryan drunkenly back to her apartment in Pittsburgh. The night they’d conceived. She’d listened to it at least a thousand times, not registering who it was performed by.

Anna happened to glance at Ryan, who was singing along softly under his breath. As she watched him longer, a smirk appeared on his face. He smiled at her.

“You know this song...” Anna said quietly.

“Of course I do, it’s on my CD.” Ryan quipped.

Anna crossed her arms, “Don’t be a smart-ass.”

Ryan turned onto the next highway, “I’m kidding. Of course I know it. You had it playing on your stereo that night.” His brown eyes met hers briefly. “How could I forget?”

“Well, you were drunk, for one thing.” Anna said with a light laugh.

“Not that drunk,” he said.

Anna raised an eyebrow at him, “I’m sorry?”

“Well, I certainly wasn’t as intoxicated as you,” Ryan said, laughing a bit, “I mean, the next morning I felt really bad.” He chewed on his lower lip. “I’m sorry I left, by the way. I mean, maybe I should’ve stayed, but then that could’ve been a bad idea. But I’m saying sorry because maybe you wanted me to stay, and I didn’t, so I feel bad about that, although maybe staying could be deemed inappropriate, therefore I-”

Anna started laughing, “Ryan, shut up.”

Ryan grinned, “I guess I get a little carried away sometimes.”

Anna was quiet for a moment, “Can I ask you something?”

Ryan nodded.

“If you weren’t too drunk that night, did you go home with me because you wanted to have an easy first time?” she said slowly, “I mean, you said you were a virgin, which I totally respect, and I understand if that was why you went home with me...”

Ryan knawed on his lip again, “Honestly, I went home with you because I wanted to give it to someone I had feelings for.”

Anna’s eyes grew wide and Ryan’s cheeks flushed. Had he really just said that?

“Wait...you had feelings for me BEFORE I got pregnant?” Anna asked, astonished.

“Well...yes. Is it really that hard to comprehend? I’m not a heartless being, you know.”

Anna sighed, “Sorry. I just, I find that strange. Why didn’t you ask me out for dinner or anything? Like, why’d you wait until I was drunk off my ass?”

“I guess because I thought you were too good for me.”

Anna snorted, “Oh come on. A rookie medic, too good for an amazing goaltender in the running for the Vezina? You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Amazing, huh? Keep talking.”

Anna shoved him playfully. Ryan smiled.

“I liked you too for awhile,” Anna said shyly, “The night you got hurt in Pittsburgh. That was the first time I saw you without your mask. I guess I never really paid attention before.”

“That was the deal maker for me,” Ryan said, “You have great hands.”

Anna rolled her eyes, “Sure I do.”

“No really! You’re much better at massages than Mercedes. She’s creepy anyways, but I think you saved me a good few games that night. I wanted to ask for your number then, but Max was there, and...”

Ryan trailed off. Talking about Max was still fresh and painful to Anna’s wound. Ryan directed his attention completely to the road. Anna leaned back in her seat.

“Max was like my brother, you know,” Anna said, “He was the one who sent me to Buffalo.”

“I thought Dan Byslma-”

“Yes, well, Dan made the final decision. But Max was the one who told him I was pregnant by you. Practically the whole team knew we’d slept together after that night at Diesel.” Anna flushed a bit. “News travels fast in close-knit communities.”

Anna sighed, “Max said he only wanted the best for me. He’s always been like that. Max was the one who helped me hunt down my first apartment, gave me the grand tour of the arena on my first day, invited me to parties and fun team activities. He was the brother I never had.”

“You guys were close. I knew that. Danny told me all about you.”

“Danny Briere?”

“Yeah. I used to ask him about you all the time. It’s stupid, I know, but I was too shy to talk to you myself, so I’d ask him.”

Anna felt a smirk on her lips.

“Your favourite flowers are tiger lillies. You love rainy weather. Sometimes when you’re mad, you mutter to yourself in French. Your favourite movie is 500 Days of Summer, and the colour you love most is purple.”

“Well researched, if not a bit schoolboy creepy, Miller.”

Ryan shrugged, “I do what I can.”

The song ended and Anna continued looking out the window. She was now starting to feel ready to go back to Pittsburgh, if only for a few days. Having Ryan by her side meant everything to Anna, and his support was almost overwhelming.

Anna no longer feared admitting that she and Ryan Miller were, in fact, together, and in one of the saddest moments of her life, she was willing to embrace the fact.