45 - Photographs, 46 - Ring

45. PHOTOGRAPHS

“Crack your jaw yet?” Derek Roy tapped Ryan’s helmet in the dressing room. Practice before the Senators game that night had just wrapped.

“Yeah, you seem real uptight today, Millsy,” Tyler Myers commented, “Seriously, what’s up?”

Ryan looked around suspiciously, “Where’s Anna?”

“Out on the bench with Pommers and Ruff, why?” Pat Kaleta replied.

Ryan sighed heavily and turned to his jacket. In a secret pocket was where he kept the ring box. Gesturing to his teammates to gather in closer, Ryan gingerly took out the box and revealed the ring inside.

“Holy shit,” Derek said with a grin, “What a sparkler!”

“Ryan, congratulations!” Tyler exclaimed.

“She’s definitely going to say yes to THAT.” Pat said with a wink.

“When and how is the only problem...” Ryan said quietly.

“Well, what is something very special to her that coincides with the both of you?” Derek asked, “Besides the obvious baby factor.”

Ryan chewed on his lower lip, “We both love hockey. She grew up playing on the pond, and so did I...” He suddenly got it. “Actually, yeah...I got it. Thanks guys.”

Idea in mind, Ryan drove home immediately, only to find Anna on the floor of the living room; a small box open with photographs strewn across the floor. He set his hockey bag by the door and walked slowly to her, seeing she wasn’t feeling her best today. Something was wrong.

“Annie? You all right?”

Anna turned and gave him a small smile.

“Ryan...I never told you about what happened to my mum and dad, did I?”

He gently touched her shoulder, “No.”

“Sit down,” Anna said quietly, “Here.”

She turned and handed him an old polaroid as he settled on the couch behind her, “This was my mom and me on Halloween when I was six. Just before the accident.”

“Accident?” Ryan asked, painfully putting down the picture of the little girl in the pirate costume.

Anna swallowed, “I was at my aunt and uncle’s when it happened. It was sometime around the middle of November. Brit was four. I just remember being told that mum and dad had gone to heaven...” Anna hugged her knees, “They were hit by a drunk driver who was going 140 mph. Died instantly.”

Ryan felt his mouth go dry, “Annie, I’m so sorry...”

“It was a long time ago,” Anna shrugged, “It’s just, what happened with Max just brings back the pain. I tried to shut it out, but...it’s no use.”

Ryan rubbed her back soothingly, “I know, it’s not easy to deal with these things. Crying doesn’t make you weak, either, baby.”

“You...you just called me ‘baby’.”

He froze, “Oh...uh, do you not want me to call you that?”

Anna shook her head, “I don’t know. It’s been a long time, you know.”

She sifted through the pictures in her tin box, “This was my first boyfriend. Check him out.”

Ryan had to chuckle, “Nice hair.”

“Shut up, we were 16, and it was cool to have a buzzcut,” Anna snorted, taking the picture from him, “Look at this one. This was my first day in Pittsburgh. Flower took this one of me with Colby Armstrong. That was before he was traded, of course. My hair was so short then...”

A few photos later, Anna found one that put a lump in her throat. It was of Max , of course, wearing his sunglasses and a tight black tee, the Pennsylvania sunset behind, with his arm around her. They were at Mario’s house for Sid and Brit’s anniversary. Anna remembered the day like no other. There was a BBQ, everyone jumping in the pool (or falling, in Flower’s case) and lots of laughs. That was one of the first times she really felt like she fit in with the Penguins.

“I forgot I had this...” Anna said, gripping the tiny frame.

Ryan put his head on her shoulder, “You were beautiful then, too.”

Anna bit her lip, “No...I’m not.”

Ryan got up and sat in front of her, the photos the only barrier between them, “Anna, it’s normal to feel remorse, but you shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened to Max.”

“I know,” Anna sighed, feeling her cheeks burning with the ever-constant tears, “But I can’t help but think, if I hadn’t tried to get him to come to the charity, maybe he’d still be alive.”

“We can’t live our lives with ‘ifs’,” Ryan told her, “We just can’t. Regrets just bring us down.”

“How do you know?”

“How?” Ryan chuckled, “Well, for one thing, I used to let goals bother me.”

“Most goalies do.”

“No, I mean I really let them bother me,” Ryan continued, “If I was scored on, I’d curse myself and hurl insults at my so-called lack of skill. I’d feed on negativity so by the end of the game I’d be ready to tear my hair out. Turns out, after seeing an athletic therapist, that’s not good.”

“But you’re amazing,” Anna said, quickly fixing herself, “Amazing at stopping pucks.”

“I just try my best and I don’t linger on the bad things,” Ryan said with a smile, “I mean, sure, I’ll let in a softie, but what’s the point of lamenting about it? Why not prepare myself to rob the next shooter blind? Fool them when they think they’ve cracked me open?” He laughed a bit. “You know, it’s so much more satisfying to make a comeback than to crawl into my net and cry.”

That forced a smile out of Anna. He reached over and touched her cheek.

“You won’t get over losing your best friend overnight,” Ryan said warmly, “And you certainly can’t waste time blaming yourself for something you couldn’t control.” Anna let Ryan wrap his arms around you. “And just think- Max is no longer miles away in Pittsburgh. He’s right next to you whenever you need him to be.” He kissed her forehead. “He’s always with you, Annie. Always.”

Anna pressed her lips to Ryan’s, kissing him softly, “Thank you.”

He smiled, “Anytime.”



46. RING

Things were heating up between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Buffalo Sabres that night at the HSBC. Anna crossed her arms over her chest, keeping a watchful eye on Drew Stafford, who had endured a typical Matt Cooke shot. He seemed to be doing just fine, so when the whistle was blown for offside, Anna turned to the Pens side.

Fleury wasn’t playing so well. He missed softie goals and threw more tantrums than usual. The Sabres were up 4-1, which was kind of unusual. The Pens just weren’t scoring. Anna had a feeling in her gut as to why, but she hoped it wasn’t that.

The final buzzer sounded and both teams headed off the ice. Anna saw the team congratulate Ryan for a job well done, but she wasn’t very interested. Leaving her post, Anna headed to the visitor’s side, knowing she wasn’t needed to examine Stafford until later.

Jordan Staal gave her a nod as he passed by, as did Guerin and Kunitz. There was only one person she wanted to talk to at that moment, and of course, he was the last one off, just like Miller. Sid tapped his glove on Anna’s shoulder as he headed out, just before Flower came into view.

He paused. Anna gave him a tiny smile, “Hey, Marc...”

The French-Canadian goaltender propped up his helmet, showing his ever-present soul patch on his chin and bright eyes. But the pure white smile he was so famous for was missing. His eyes weren’t bright- they were sad. Anna wanted so badly to speak, but she couldn’t find her voice.

“It’s...it’s not the same without him.”

Anna fought to swallow her tears, and it looked like Marc was also.

“I know...” she managed to stutter.

“Why not me?”

Anna frowned.

Flower’s lower lip trembled, “Why not me instead of Max?” Those words being said, he rushed past Anna, smashing his stick out of view and throwing his mask aside, disappearing into the visitor dressing rooms.

Anna leaned against the wall, unsure of what to think or say. She waited there, hoping to talk to Sid or Geno to get some reassurance, but everyone just filed by. You could cut the dark atmosphere with a knife, it seemed. At long last, one suited Pen stopped to see her.

It was Kris Letang.

“I was going to give this to you when you were in Pittsburgh,” Kris said nervously, “But I didn’t think the timing was right...”

Anna watched him reach into his pocket and pull out a chain- with Max’s Stanley Cup ring on it. She'd seen him wear it almost every day. It was his most prized possession.

“He would want you to have this,” Kris said, dropping it around Anna’s neck, “Believe me.”

Anna, overwhelmed, threw her arms around Kris and sobbed, “Thank you.”

He hugged her back, a little tighter than usual, “It’s nothing, really.”

Letting go, Anna turned the ring in her hands, “Flower’s taking this so hard.”

“I know,” Kris nodded, “We all are. Especially Molly.”

Anna frowned, “Molly?”

Kris’ eyes widened, “Wait...you never met Max’s girlfriend Molly?”

Anna shook her head, “No, I didn’t...think I heard her name once or twice.”

Kris sighed, “Well, you are very lucky to have Ryan...”

“What makes you say that?”

Kris shrugged, “Molly might be pregnant.”